"I was an insomniac for 20 years. This is how I finally learnt to sleep"

From telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness

By Jo Elvin

I bet a lot of people find themselves facing insomnia for the same reason I did: by becoming obsessed with sleep 

I was in my early 20s, new to London (from Sydney) and thrilled to have scored a magazine job on a teenage pop title. I loved that job – and not just because it meant I found myself doing things like clubbing with Robbie Williams. Not so glamorous were the hours, which were, frankly, inhumane. We were a tiny team of virtual children and chaotic as hell with it. It was a regular occurrence to do 30 hours straight in the office, especially in the days leading up to a deadline. Once, when the regular account car driver dropped me home, at 7am on a Saturday morning, he said: “Get another job, love. They’re killing you.”

It was around this time that I became anxious about what a lack of sleep must be doing to my health. I knew I looked awful – dark circles and a puffy face, even though I weighed all of eight stone. I figured this lifestyle must be doing terrible things to me on the inside as well. I was so tired all the time. If I wasn’t at work I was shunning any and all social invitations and devoting myself to the dream of getting more sleep.

When would I be able to leave the office and get some sleep? When could I get more? Whenever I was in bed, I’d lie there calculating how many hours I could get before I had to get up again. If it was less than seven, I’d fret about how unhealthy that was and fixate on how dreadful I’d feel the next day. I was getting so little sleep that I became completely consumed with the subject and guess what? I slept even less.

I would race home to bed and lie there, wound up, unable to switch off. As the minutes turned to hours, I’d despair. From my flat in south London I could hear Big Ben striking off each hour and by 4am I’d often be crying.

I started self-medicating but sleeping pills just made me feel drowsy and heavy-lidded whilst still awake. I went through a phase of adding alcohol and marijuana to the mix, which did sometimes help me to pass out for a couple of hours. But of course we all know that alcohol in particular is the enemy of deep sleep and makes you just snap awake at some point in the middle of the night.

This next bit sounds insane I know but sometimes I’d be so frustrated and anxiety-ridden I’d slap myself in the face, repeatedly, as hard as I could stand. I have no idea what I thought that would achieve. Just a vent for the rage of not being able to sleep? I think I thought I might actually be able to knock myself out. Who knows? I was not a well girl. It didn’t occur to me to see a doctor about any of this. I can’t believe how clueless I was about my own self-care in my 20s.

Even though I moved on from the killer hours job, the number on my head had been done. I did sleep a bit more, yes, but the obsession with it was unshakeable. On the many occasions that I’d snap awake in the wee hours, I would lie there tossing, turning, totting up the hours slept and then fretting about what it all meant for the working day ahead.

The turning point finally came when, aged 35, I had a baby. But I don’t think you need to have a baby to share in my epiphany.

Of course you expect to be sleepless when you have an infant, but it’s still impossible to really prepare for and understand exactly how mind-blowingly tired you’ll be.

But the lightbulb moment came when she was about eight weeks old. I was facing my fourth consecutive day of having had maybe an hour’s sleep the night before. Honestly I can still remember how dire I felt: stinging eyes, nausea, every joint aching. And, true to form, my anxiety about it was through the roof. How would I get through this interminable day? How would I even find the strength to walk from my bedroom to my baby daughter’s cot, let alone somehow keep her alive all day? My only hope was that she’d sleep long enough at some point in the day for me to maybe grab a cat nap.

One small issue with that: as my husband was leaving for work, he reminded me that the electricians were coming to install new radiators. I could have cried. I probably did, actually, I was so tired and hormonal. They arrived, they clomped about and they drilled and drilled all day. I wouldn’t be sleeping. Then to my horror, I remembered: I’d invited my friend Kath around for lunch. Good god. I can’t, I thought. I left her a voicemail apologising profusely but begging to reschedule for when I’d had some sleep.

At 1pm, the doorbell rang and there was Kath, beaming at me. Oh. She had clearly not got my message. And what was I going to do? Make things awkward by telling her I’d tried to cancel? Nope, I welcomed her in, already knowing that later that day she would finally hear my miserable “I’m knackered, sorry!” message, but we would cross that bridge.

‘If you ask a person who sleeps well what they do to get to sleep, the answer will be nothing,’ says Dr Meadows Credit: Andrew Crowley for The Telegraph

I still wonder to this day if it was some kind of divine intervention that delayed her hearing that message. Because that visit – that day – changed everything about my mindset. I pulled myself together for the sake of my friend who’d made the effort to come and see me. She made me laugh, and as a mum herself eased my millions of anxieties about whether or not I was doing a good enough job of keeping this baby alive. When Kath arrived, I seriously wondered how I’d have the energy to get through the visit. By the time she left, I felt completely energised. That was the day I realised that a terrible night’s sleep is not the end of the world. I felt so physically and emotionally bankrupt and yet still I had managed to not only plough through the day and survive it, I had enjoyed it.

It was the day I finally stopped obsessing about whether or not I had slept or not. That was nearly 20 years ago and ever since, if I’m lying in bed awake and somehow not able to drop off, I don’t get wound up about it at all. I stay rational about what it will mean for the next day. Even if I only sleep for a couple of hours, I will be fine, I tell myself. You might not be sleeping right now but you are resting, and rest is the next best thing to sleep (a therapist told me that).

Here’s the thing: That subtle but significant shift in my mindset has meant that I sleep well. Almost always.

Dr Guy Meadows is a sleep psychologist and founder of the pioneering sleep clinic, The Sleep School. He laughs wryly as I tell him my story. “You’ve managed to crack for yourself what I dedicated 20 years of my life to understanding.”

Not everyone appreciates my advice to “just stop worrying” about insomnia. But as challenging as it can be to make that mental adjustment, it’s been a life-changing one, and easily more effective than drugging myself, exhausting myself and definitely a better strategy than slapping myself in my own stupid face.

To my surprise, my approach is an actual clinical technique. “You’ve stumbled upon the acceptance and commitment theory or ACT, which is how I treat my insomniac patients,” says Dr Meadows. Which is essentially to stop railing against negative thoughts or feelings of “I can’t sleep, tomorrow will be a disaster” and accept them. The preoccupation with trying to fall asleep is the thing that will stop you falling asleep.

“If you ask a person who sleeps well what they do to get to sleep, the answer will be nothing,” says Dr Meadows. “Ask an insomniac and they’ll have a list as long as your arm involving an hours-long wind down process, or sleepy teas, or particular room conditions.

“Insomnia is, at its heart, an anxiety disorder, one in which we’ve basically trained our brains to fear those moments of trying to sleep. The more you struggle with feeling anxious about wakefulness, the more awake you will be. You’ve found for yourself that it’s possible to train the brain to have a different, more accepting relationship with this anxiety and it can be life-changing for insomniacs.”

It truly can be. I no longer approach the night, or sleep, as another big job to conquer. Gone is the anxiety I used to feel as I worked myself up into a panic in the hours before turning in. I used to feel so bad for a fellow magazine editor when we were away in Milan or Paris for the fashion shows. She used to get so excited about the joy of having a hotel room to herself, away from her nocturnal toddler to score a few nights of unbroken sleep. Only, she would usually be quite downbeat when I saw her because she was not sleeping. Whether it was the temperature of the hotel room, or a weird banging pipe noise, or just noisy people in the corridors, somehow this dream of a precious, full night’s sleep eluded her. I’m convinced it was because she was so consumed with anxiety about getting to sleep that she just couldn’t relax enough to do it.

I’m not saying that I now always sleep brilliantly every night. That’s not my point. It’s simply that I no longer have anxiety about it if I don’t. I remind myself that the body really is a self-governing state and will get what it needs. Because I’ve made the conscious decision to trust my body on this, I’m not anxious at all any more about sleep. Which, funnily enough, helps me to just relax.

A few other things I have learnt that work for me:

Having a sleep divorce

I applaud the growing movement to normalise this. It’s just better for both my husband and me if we sleep separately. He snores so much, which keeps me awake. My anger about being kept awake means he often lies there scared to breathe, so he doesn’t sleep either. Our relationship could not survive our mismatched sleeping needs.

I play this trick on myself

If I really cannot seem to relax enough to drop off, I put myself through reverse psychology. OK, I tell myself, you’re not allowed to shut your eyes. Don’t you dare. Keep those eyes open. It always works.

I never drink coffee after midday

If caffeine is in my system, I’ll be struggling to sleep. It’s why I also leave the chocolate well alone in the evening.

My phone never comes to bed

The blue light from our phones is a brain stimulant that keeps us wired. My phone goes off by 10pm each night and stays off. I can’t get my head around anyone who is able to sleep next to it when it’s lighting up and pinging with b-------t all night.

I don’t have a clock

If I need to set an alarm, I still face any clock away from me so I can’t roll over in the middle of the night and look at the time. Nothing good comes from me knowing that it’s 4am and I need to get up in two hours. If I’m oblivious about the hour, I don’t start running that maths through my head. It’s one of the best things I have ever done to ease my sleep anxiety.

I only use my bedroom for sleep

No work, no television, nothing but sleep and well, yes... that other thing that happens in bedrooms. Psychologically I just think it’s no bad thing to have a space that your mind associates with nothing but the end of the day and restfulness.

I exercise a lot

In my 20s and 30s, I was an insomniac and also I barely moved. I’m sure these two facts are linked. There is science behind how exercise helps you sleep, but I think it’s another psychological tool for me. I know that if I’m working out regularly, my body will do the work of putting itself in recovery mode. It’s another way I’ve taught myself to trust the vessel I’m in to get what it needs.

I stretch a lot

Whenever I’ve carved out 20 minutes or so to do it properly it is a game changer for deeper relaxation. There’s tons of content on YouTube to give you guided stretching exercises. It’s an incredible (and free) gift you can give yourself.

I give myself permission to admit defeat

If it’s truly making me feel despairing and worrying about the next day, I tell myself, OK, stay home and call in sick. I’ve never actually gone through with this, because the second I tell myself that that’s an option, I relax a little bit more and then I fall asleep.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/wellbeing/sleep/ive-been-an-insomniac-for-twenty-years/

How to sleep in 2 minutes even if you have insomnia

From sportschosun.com

A sleeping method that allows people who suffer from chronic insomnia to fall asleep in two minutes has been introduced, making headlines.

According to foreign media such as the Daily Mail, Justin Augustine, a fitness expert in Canada, delivered a sleep method developed by the U.S. Army to help fighter pilots fall asleep in noisy and stressful situations. The video has become so popular that it has recorded more than 11 million views until recently. He claimed that about 90 percent of those who tried the sleep method worked.

This sleeping method consists of deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and imaging. 

First, lie down in a comfortable position in bed and relax your muscles in the order of your eyes, cheeks, and chin.

At this time, you breathe deeply and relax your muscles by exhaling slowly.

The hands, fingers, and arms are also comfortably stretched to the side.

Then slowly relax in the order of neck, shoulder, chest, belly, thigh, knee, leg, and foot.

The next step imagines that 'Warm Feeling' is transmitted from the top of your head to your toes.

Now, we need an image association.

Justin suggested two scenes.

One is 'Lying in a canoe in a calm lake with nothing but a clear blue sky' and 'Lying in a hammock made of black soft cloth in a dark room without light'.

Justin emphasized that practicing this meditation method every night for six weeks would allow him to fall asleep within two minutes of closing his eyes.

After the video was released, a netizen said "I've been practicing this sleeping method for more than 30 years since I was a soldier. It has a very good effect."

Another netizen wrote, "I'm a truck driver and I desperately need a break, which helps a lot", "Following a night of deep anxiety, you fall asleep magically"", a chronic insomnia patient who was very sceptical at first. However, I was happy to experience something that actually worked and posted comments such as..."

Studies have shown that relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and visualization can improve the amount and quality of sleep.

When exhaled for a long time, the heart rate slows down rapidly, activating the parasympathetic nervous system (a neural network that relaxes the body after a period of stress or danger).

Relaxing each part of the body is also a type of meditation known as 'body scanning', which has been proven to cause hormones related to feeling calm.

https://www.sportschosun.com/culture/2024/12/how-to-sleep-in-2-minutes-even-if-37542

Menopause Insomnia: End 2am Wakings for Good

From honehealth.com

Crappy sleep? We hear you loud and clear. Here’s what experts say can help 

When you’re in perimenopause or menopause, getting a good night’s sleep is like winning the lottery: The odds are not in your favour. Just look at the numbers. Between 39  and 47 percent of women experience perimenopause insomnia. The rate of insomnia jumps to 60 percent for women after menopause.

“A trifecta of physical changes, mood changes, and societal demands that make sleep a big problem,” says Shelby Harris, Psy.D, the director of sleep health at Sleepopolis. 

During the menopause transition, which starts between 45 and 55 and can last for a decade or more, symptoms from declining oestrogen levels can make it hard to fall and stay asleep. Plus, during this time in mid-life, many women are juggling careers, kids, and even aging parents, which can lead to insomnia-inducing stress. 

Beyond feeling tired and cranky⸺which is bad enough⸺chronic insomnia (struggling to sleep three times a week for three or more months) can have long-lasting effects on your body and mind. Poor sleep or not enough sleep can increase women’s risk of osteoporosis, cardiovascular, and metabolic disease. A 2023 study published in Nature and Science in Sleep found women who experience early menopause face higher risks of cognitive decline, for reasons that may include sleep issues like insomnia. The research suggests addressing sleep problems could help protect your brain.

Perimenopause and Menopause Insomnia

During perimenopause and menopause, the primary cause of insomnia is shifts in hormones like melatonin and oestrogen. Declining oestrogen levels can cause hot flashes and night sweats that disrupt sleep. Stress and an increase in mood disorders like anxiety and depression can also make it hard to fall and stay asleep.

Hormone changes

Oestrogen and progesterone,  the two main hormones that fluctuate and eventually decline during the menopause transition, help to regulate sleep. 

“Specifically, they will allow certain parts of the brain to go through the different cycles and the firing of neurons that allow your body to fall asleep, stay asleep, and have good, restorative sleep,” says sleep expert Dylan Petkus, M.D.

“If you have a day where oestrogen spikes way high or way low, it will destabilize how your brain can initiate sleep and govern sleep,” he says. 

Oestrogen supports the pineal gland in the brain, which governs the release of melatonin, the hormone that regulates your sleep-wake cycle. The less melatonin you produce, the less sleep you get. Lower levels of progesterone can also make it difficult for your body and mind to relax into sleep. Progesterone promotes relaxation and drowsiness by increasing the production of GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), a neurotransmitter that calms brain activity, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep longer.

Perimenopause symptoms

For women in perimenopause and menopause, hot flashes and night sweats can disturb sleep.  Oestrogen is once again the culprit here. The hormone helps regulate the body’s internal thermostat in the brain’s hypothalamus. When production dips, it can bring on these vasomotor symptoms. A drop in oestrogen can cause the thermostat to overreact which causes the body to heat too quickly. After you sweat your body begins to evaporate the water, which can bring on chills or cold flashes that wake you up.

“People are uncomfortable from these night sweats,” Dweck says. ”They end up waking up as a result of that physical discomfort with the need to even change their bedclothes or sleep clothes.”

Mood swings

Fluctuations in oestrogen and progesterone can lead to mood swings that can cause or worsen insomnia.  Progesterone has a relaxing, calming effect on the body. As ovulation winds down during menopause so does your progesterone. In turn, anxiety and mood swings can increase.

Oestrogen influences the production of key neurotransmitters, including serotonin, a feel-good hormone that regulates mood. Serotonin is also needed to make melatonin for sleep. It’s tough to be cheerful when you’re exhausted — and if you’re anxious or irritable, sleep can be even more elusive. 

The risk of developing anxiety and depression increases during perimenopause and menopause as well.

Sleep conditions

Oestrogen and progesterone shifts can cause sleep apnoea and restless leg syndrome, common sources of menopause insomnia.

For years, sleep apnoea—a sleep disorder that causes snoring and repeated pauses in breathing— was considered most prominent in men or people who are overweight. But now researchers acknowledge that during menopause women develop the condition as well. Women with severe hot flashes and night sweats may be at a higher risk of developing the condition.

“Hormonal changes cause a loosening of the muscles of the airway, which can cause snoring,” Harris says. “It doesn’t have to be loud, obnoxious snoring, like we think of with a lot of older men.”

Restless leg syndrome—a disorder that ​​causes an uncontrollable urge to move your legs— also increases during menopause due to hormone changes. Most women experience this condition at night.

“It makes it harder to stay still and to go to sleep, because you feel restless in your body,” Harris says.

Physical symptoms

Menopause-related aches and joint pain can keep women awake at night. These issues primarily stem from increased chronic inflammation, which comes from—yep—hormone shifts.

Declining oestrogen levels elevate levels of pro-inflammatory cytokines and other inflammatory markers associated with difficulty falling asleep, poor sleep quality, and increased fatigue. Lack of sleep can increase inflammation in the body, creating a cause-and-effect cycle.

“If you’re not sleeping well, your inflammatory markers throughout your body will be higher,” he says, “So not only are you sensing more pain, but now you have more inflammatory markers.”

How Long Does Menopause Insomnia Last?

Perimenopause can last between four to 10 years, and your insomnia may last the entire time.

Some women find when they reach menopause, insomnia goes away as their hormones level out. For others, says Petkus, low levels of oestrogen and progesterone may continue to wreak havoc on sleep.

Treating Insomnia in Perimenopause and Menopause

Women have lots of treatment options for the menopause symptoms that cause insomnia, ranging from medications to therapy practices.

HRT

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT, also called menopause hormone therapy or MHT), is effective at treating various symptoms of menopause. The combination of oestrogen and oral micronized progesterone, a synthetic-like hormone, mimics progesterone in the body, which successfully combats sleeplessness for many women.

“Some women will get relief from their sleep disruption by taking hormone therapy,” Dweck says.

Progesterone is also thought to improve sleep quality by increasing non-REM 3 sleep, the deepest level of sleep  Dweck notes some women will still experience insomnia or disrupted sleep after taking HRT. 

“So we know it’s not just 100% oestrogen related to sleep disruption in menopause,” she says

Birth control

If you’re in perimenopause another to consider is the Pill. Using hormonal birth control may ease insomnia by balancing hormones.  One thing to consider: The Pill can hide the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause, which makes it harder to know what’s going on with your body. Taking the Pill after age 35 can also slightly increase the risk of serious health conditions, including stroke and heart attack, especially in women who smoke or have other cardiovascular risk factors.

SSRIs/SNRIs

Some women find some benefit from a low dose of antidepressants. The two most well-known are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs). They keep these neurotransmitters in your brain longer so the body experiences their benefits for longer. One study using escitalopram (Lexapro) resulted in better sleep among women who took the medication.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia

Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I)  is a proven tool to treat menopausal insomnia. This is particularly true if your lack of sleep is due to mood changes, a racing mind, or negative thoughts.

CBT-I teaches you behaviours and thought patterns that reframe bedtime as a positive experience rather than an anxiety-ridden task. Typically, you’d start sessions with a sleep expert or therapist who’s trained in CBT-I, with the goal of being able to implement what you’ve learned yourself when you need it.

“I think CBT is helpful for that busy mind, where you have night-time wakefulness and you can’t get back to sleep because your mind is racing,” Dweck says. “And CBT may be helpful as a remedy to get those busy thoughts out of your head so that you can get back to sleep and save the daytime for all of that thought process.”

Holistic Ways to Improve Menopause Insomnia

Practicing healthy sleep hygiene is one of the best ways to set up your body and brain for less insomnia. Here’s what the experts recommend.

Get morning sun

One of the easiest ways to combat menopause insomnia is to get morning sun on your face or body. Even just 15 minutes can help with your circadian rhythms, which govern your sleep patterns and habits. 

Establish a bedtime/wake-up routine

The National Sleep Foundation recommends going to bed and waking up at the same time every day to keep your body in a healthy sleep pattern. 

Create a ritual around bedtime to signal to your brain that it’s soon time for shut-eye:

• Turn off your phone an hour or two before sleep. 
• Take a warm bath or shower. 
• Drink a cup of herbal tea. 
• Read a book. 
• Listen to chill music.

Manage stress

Because of hormone fluctuations during menopause, your anxiety and depression can worsen. You aren’t doing yourself any favours by going to bed feeling stressed or worried about kids, work, partner, chores, or whatever is bound to keep anyone up at night. Practicing meditation, and breathing exercises throughout the day or before bed can help quash stress and encourage better rest. Even 15 minutes a day can help.

Watch what you eat and drink before bed

Eating a heavy meal or a dish high in sugar within three hours of bedtime can throw a wrench into your sleep plans, Dweck notes. 

The same goes for alcohol. Don’t drink three hours before going to bed, or limit your consumption altogether.

“Alcohol will make you tired. You may fall asleep easier, but it interferes with general sleep,” Dweck says.

Keep your room cool

The National Sleep Foundation recommends keeping bedroom temps between 60 and 67 degrees for optimal sleep. A cool room promotes in your brain that it’s time to produce melatonin, the hormone that helps you sleep.

The Bottom Line

Insomnia during perimenopause and menopause is common. It’s caused by a combination of factors, including changes in oestrogen and progesterone. Hormone replacement therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy may improve sleep, as can adopting healthy habits.

https://honehealth.com/edge/menopause-insomnia/

Warning over common sitting position that can lead to headaches, anxiety and insomnia

From msn.com/en-gb

If you work at a desk, you'll know that a lot of your day is spent sitting down. But the wrong posture can lead to some pretty unpleasant health consequences over time.

Health experts have warned that daily bad posture can lead to a range of negative effects on our mind and body, including headaches, insomnia, and even anxiety and depression.

And there's one very common sitting position that people are being urged to avoid if they want to improve their overall health.

Dr Deborah Lee from Dr Fox Online Pharmacy issued a warning to anyone who works at a desk, highlighting that sitting with a lowered neck can wreak havoc on your posture.

This was echoed by Dr. Stefan Mindea, MD who explained that this can cause strain on the spine. He said: "When the head is tilted forward—commonly known as "tech neck"—the effective weight of the head increases exponentially due to the angle.

"For example, at a 30° forward tilt, the head's weight feels like 40 pounds to the neck. This unnatural strain leads to muscle fatigue, headaches, and chronic neck pain."

Poor posture can trigger a number of different side effects over time, according to Deborah. One of these is 'severe and throbbing' headaches, due to prolonged tension in the head, neck and spine.

This tension or inability to relax can also lead to insomnia, since the neck and back pain that's often experienced can make it very difficult to switch off at night.

Anxiety and depression can be another side effect, with studies showing that slumping in a chair can make negative thoughts appear easier, bringing on feelings of anxiety and putting a dampener on your mood.

                                                                                                                      © Getty Images

What is the best sitting position?

To make sure you're sitting correctly, warding off these unpleasant symptoms, Dr Deborah recommends the 'S' position, which ensures your muscles in your spine aren't being pulled by gravity.

Here's a step-by-step guide on how to achieve this.

• Sit facing forward with your feet flat on the floor. This may mean altering the height of your chair as you should not sit with your feet dangling or your knees bunched up

• Your knees should be at the same height as your hips

• Your ankles should be slightly in front of your knees

• Keep your back in contact with the back of the chair, using a cushion if needed

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/health/other/warning-over-common-sitting-position-that-can-lead-to-headaches-anxiety-and-insomnia/ar-AA1vNKOm?apiversion=v2&noservercache=1&domshim=1&renderwebcomponents=1&wcseo=1&batchservertelemetry=1&noservertelemetry=1 

Millennial couples are sleeping apart to stay together. Why sleep divorce is surging

From nationalpost.com

Do separate beds make for happier couples? A look at the research behind this growing trend and other sleep aids

Sleep scientist and psychologist Wendy Troxel prefers “sleep alliance” over “sleep divorce” as the preferred way to brand the growing trend of couples opting not to bed-share. Divorce carries a negative overtone that suggests sleeping apart is a sign of a dysfunctional — sexless or loveless — relationship.

“Now, how judgy is that,” Troxel said in a TEDX talk. Studies suggest that when poorly slept, people are more prone to engaging in behaviours that aren’t great for a happy union largely due to disrupted “emotion regulation,” Troxel and other sleep researchers have reported.

They become more irritable and hostile. More judgy. For some, a sleep divorce is a rather old-fashioned sleep hack, but it appears particularly popular among millennials. Interest is also blossoming in decidedly more techy sleep-trackers — wearable wrist, head bands or other devices that claim to measure sleep, although there can be a “remarkably high degree of variability” in their accuracy.

Here’s what the science says about sleep divorce, sleep trackers, the 10-3-2-1-0 rule and other strategies people are trying to deal with sleep problems.

Do separate bedrooms make for happier couples?

Couple sleep has been a neglected topic, German sleep researchers once noted. While sleeping in pairs had its evolutionary advantages (a sense of physical and emotional security against potential attackers) and bed sharing can be an expression of intimacy, couple sleeping doesn’t always benefit “couple functioning,” they wrote.

People bring different sleep habits into a relationship that don’t always match. Moreover, one partner’s snoring, twitching, restless legs, apnoea, body heat or other nocturnal disruptions can be problematic for the other. “Research indicates that up to 30 per cent of an individual’s sleep quality (or lack thereof) is influenced by their partner’s sleep,” Troxel wrote in a public education brief released by the Sleep Research Society.

On TikTok, videos related to #married couples/separate rooms have become among the most viewed. “My husband performs what I can only describe as a crocodile death roll every time he needs to move in bed,” one woman shared.

In one study of 48 British couples, men showed a significantly greater number of discrete movements during sleep than did women, and women reported being disturbed more often by their partner than was the case for men (although most couples reported sleeping better together than alone). Spouses of snorers also report more sleeping problems, insomnia and daytime sleepiness.

A recent study found n American Academy of Sleep Medicine study found 35 per cent of adults surveyed sleep in another room "on occasion" or consistently to accommodate a bed partner.  Almost half of millennials (people aged 25 to 44) do so. Photo by Getty Images

Other research suggests poor sleep increases a couple’s inflammatory response to marital stress.

In one study, researchers with the Ohio State University College of Medicine found that when both partners got less than seven hours of sleep the previous two nights, the couple was more likely to behave more negatively when discussing a marital issue. The levels of two proteins that drive inflammation in the body and that have been linked to cardiovascular disease, diabetes and other chronic conditions increased for every hour of lost sleep, according to their blood samples.

However, other studies have found that, for young, healthy couples, co-sleeping was associated with better subjective — meaning self-reported — sleep quality, increased total sleep time (based on four nights measured in a sleep lab) and more REM or rapid eye movement sleep, which is important for memory and learning.

Still, an American Academy of Sleep Medicine study found 35 per cent of 2,005 adults surveyed sleep in another room “on occasion” or consistently to accommodate a bed partner.  Almost half (43 per cent) of millennials (people aged 25 to 44) do so. Homes with two master bedrooms are becoming more popular, and empty nesters are converting their kids’ old rooms into their own separate bedroom suite.

Author of Sharing the Covers: A Couple’s Guide for Better Sleep, Troxel said a sleep alliance can also be achieved using earplugs, white noise machines, separate bedding “to quell sheet-stealing” or other approaches that don’t necessarily require separate beds or rooms.

How reliable are sleep trackers?

Wrist-worn or ring-worn devices combine information from limb and body movement, heart rate and temperature sensors that purport to measure total sleep time, total wake time and sleep efficiency. They’re far less cumbersome than lab-based sleep studies that use a technique called polysomnography to record brain waves, blood oxygen levels, eye activity and other metrics to distinguish between “awake” and “asleep,” and how much time is spent in different sleep stages.

However, the proliferation of wearable sleep trackers has come with little third-party validation of claims.

In one study, researchers at West Virginia University’s Rockefeller Neuroscience Institute tested eight popular sleep trackers on five healthy adults (two men, three women) who wore the devices for a total of 98 separate nights. Data collected by the wearables was compared to data collected by a home-based, EEG-based device.

All in, total sleep time, total wake time and sleep efficiency were measured with greater accuracy by Fitbit Ionic and Oura smart ring, “whereas all other devices demonstrated a propensity to over or underestimate at least one if not all of the aforementioned sleep metrics.”

All of the devices struggled to accurately quantify sleep stages, including deep sleep, which the authors said wasn’t surprising given the most accurate way to assess sleep stages is via electrical signals from the brain from EEG.

Still, “understanding current sleep habits, from the average time you go to bed and wake up, to the average amount of time you are awake in bed, can be enlightening” and potentially used to better one’s health, the researchers said.

But if the data aren’t accurate, it may not be so beneficial. Sleep scientists are increasingly concerned with our excessive pre-occupation with sleep. One study published by a University of Oxford group looked at whether giving people with insomnia sham or fake feedback about their sleep influenced how they felt the next day.

Sixty-three people were fitted with actigraphy devices that measure cycles of activity versus non-activity. Those given a “negative” sleep score upon wakening reported being less alert, moodier and sleepier during the day than those given a positive score, even though both groups got the same amount and same quality of sleep.

The findings could have implications for sleep trackers that claim to measure “objective” sleep but provide inaccurate data compared to gold-standard equipment, the authors said. “Inaccurate feedback about sleep may affect hundreds of thousands of people every day, globally, driving biases in the appraisal of daytime function,” they wrote. And while they focused on people with insomnia, wearable trackers or under-mattress sensors might risk making decent sleepers poor sleepers.

What’s the 10-3-2-1-0 formula?

Ten hours before bed, no caffeine (it takes roughly that time for the effects of caffeine from your last cup to wear off). Three hours before bed, no food or alcohol (alcohol is associated with lighter, lower sleep). Two hours, stop working. One hour, turn off all screens and wind down; engage in something relaxing, like reading, meditating or brushing your dog. Zero, the number of times hitting “snooze” in the morning.

Other studies recommend no napping, because naps can reduce the homeostatic drive for sleep at night, avoiding sleeping in on weekends (body and brain prefer a regular sleep-wake schedule) and waking every day at the same time. A consistent wake time means consistent “first time to light exposure,” psychiatrist and sleep medicine specialist Dr. Michael Mak told a virtual audience as part of a Canadian Sleep Society lecture series. Morning light exposure stabilizes the internal body clock, leading to better daytime mood and better sleep at night.

Try to avoid ruminating about the past, the future, something said or not said, when trying to fall asleep. Mak suggested thinking about your favourite fruit: “the texture, the skin” — mundane things that replace stressful things. Research has also shown that weighted blankets, that sensation of being swaddled like a baby, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming heart rate and breathing.

Another way to lower heart rate? Avoid reaching for a smartphone when waking in the middle of the night. “And what do (people) do? ‘Let’s see what’s on Facebook. Have I gotten any messages? Maybe I’ve gotten an email from my boss.’ There is no universe where you need any of that information in the middle of the night. There’s none. There’s none,” psychologist and clinical sleep specialist Dr. Michael Breus said in a Quartz podcast.

“It’s the engagement we want to avoid.”

https://nationalpost.com/longreads/sleep-divorce-sleep-aids