By Rafi Letzter
I have chronic insomnia, which means the most painful part of my day is climbing into bed.
On a bad night, I can close my eyes at 10 p.m. and lay staring at the red floaters on the backs of my lids until six in the morning. With every hour that passes it grows harder, not easier, to drift off. I never feel more vulnerable than when I'm locked into my own consciousness. It's claustrophobic, panic-inducing, and physically exhausting. There are nights where I'll have lain immobile for five hours but my heartbeat will pound in my ears like I just ran a marathon or the world is ending.
It sucks.
There are dozens of recommended strategies for dealing with this: establish a nighttime routine, work out before bed, don't work out before bed, take melatonin, read in bed, don't use your bed for anything but sleep, don't use electronics before bed, sleep alone, sleep with your partner, buy a better mattress, buy a better pillow, listen to music, don't listen to music, listen to NPR, don't listen to NPR, give up drinking, see a therapist, take prescription pharmaceuticals, just relax.
I collect these tips religiously and I've tried them all — with the big honking exception of prescription pharmaceuticals, which frankly scare me. Melatonin helps me on a temporary basis when I need to get my rhythms back under control after a bad lapse. But the only two things that have actually made a tangible, long-term difference in my life are giving up my already very light drinking habit and the $2.99 smartphone app Buddhify.
The former makes sense: Alcohol is bad for your mind and body, full stop. But Buddhify's success was unexpected. It's not even a sleep app, instead focused on providing newcomers a gateway to mindful meditation. And it has that kitschy, vaguely appropriate name. (Imagine calling an app that gives you pork-free recipes Mosefy, or an app for writing Arabic poetry Muhammafy.) But a close friend of mine, a neuroscience researcher who manages his mood with mindful meditation, had been talking up the virtues of mindfulness and I was looking for a way in.
So I downloaded Buddhify to my phone, used it a few times during the day, then forgot about it.
Back in November there was a night where nothing was working. I felt trapped in a labyrinth of sheets, then uncomfortable and exposed when I threw the covers off. Squirrels scampered in the ceiling. A red LED blinked away on the other side of the room. My girlfriend woke up twice, frustrated, to my tossing and turning. The night seemed to stretch out impossibly long ahead of me. At some point I remembered the app, popped in my Bluetooth earbuds, and must have fallen asleep almost instantly because I can't remember anything that happened after I pressed play. It was a small secular miracle.
Buddhify's meditations are deceptively short and simple. Sleep and anxiety audio exercises, they help you order and examine your swirling thoughts and sensations, play games with them, and learn to manage them. None take longer than fifteen minutes. But after months with this app I can tell you I have yet to hear all the sleeping ones all the way to their end. They knock me out too fast. It's far from a perfect solution. There will always be nights where nothing seems to help, but having Buddhify on my phone has made them a lot rarer.
I've also noticed that Buddhify seems to improve my overall mood and mental wellbeing. I don't listen to the other meditation categories on the app as much as I'd like, but even falling asleep in the middle of a sleep meditation most nights has seemed to make me a calmer and more joyful person. I haven't done enough shopping around to tell you if this is the absolute best mindfulness app around; once you find something that works, you don't mess with it (though I did just download Headspace.) However, it carries my strong recommendation.
A few things to remember: I'm not a doctor or a neuroscientist, and what works for me may not work for you. You should absolutely seek a medical professional's advice if you struggle with sleep. But I've had incredible luck with this app. If you're an insomniac looking for a new weapon in your arsenal, this is an option I think is worth your $3. Let me know how it works for you.
http://www.techinsider.io/the-best-app-for-falling-alseep-2016-4
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